Me.

Mother, I will never be who you want me to be. I will never be the girl that fits the mould of your description. I shall never follow the predisposed plan, of growing up into a daughter who shares her every emotion with you, who shares a connection with you, and keeps you entertained. I will never be the girl that makes you smile, by my emotional words and condolences, but I will make you smile, by my successes.

I am not an open book.

I am a prison cell. I lock my feelings away in the dark crevices of my mind, my emotions guarded, my expressions limited. I hide my sadness away from you, my happiness too, I am hiding in my shelter, while your explosion of emotions show me at a young age, how important it is to be strong. I am strong, I do not show much emotion. I do not tell you I love you, I show it.

I sacrifice, I remain silent.

I keep to myself. Because a time always comes, every day, every month, every year, when those emotions do overflow. Pouring through the bars of my prison cell, threatening to break that lock and everything that keeps it in. That time, it cracks. I keep to myself. I remain silent through the day and its compensated through my cracking in my room. Yes, I do it. I do it to remain strong, which is something you never learned, and I constantly feel the need to be on guard.

I learnt from you, that if I let people see how I feel, I'll be weak, like you. I don't want to be like you, I want to learn from you. I don't want to be emotionally affected by everything like you do. I'm a stone cold, heartless bitch.


I am. Who I am.

I will never fit your mould. Force me in with those hands of yours and the metal will cut into your skin, hurting you, breaking me. I will never bend and contort to your image of "My daughter". I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm not who you want me to be.

But nothing will change and deter the fact that I love you, and I will show you. Through my success. Through my sacrificing my true dream, for a career which will inevitably please you.

So in a way, I do try to fit in, just not the way you want me to. In the end, you'll see. I hope you will.