JANUARY (Tv I love you)

So. I read Tv's blog and I got inspired to document my jam packed month. I don't have pictures of my own, so....just read.  HOLD UP. Credits first : (For most photos : http://aleagueofmyownn.blogspot.com/ ) Check it out, its gorgeous x.x )

Let's see, the first week of January was alright, I spent New Year's in Singapore! It was so awesome, I got loads of presents, ONE OF THEM WAS A TIGER ONESIE. Anyway, moving on. 

The next two weeks were what I called the "Tiff Weeks." You see, in the course of the past year, I had gotten very, extremely, inseparably, almost sick of each other kind of close with Tiffany Tong. This gorgeous, sexy red head who changed my life and so much about myself for the better. I never met someone so inspiring and so amazing, someone who impacted my life so much, that I could never ever find another like her. Don't get me wrong, I have other amazing best friends too! But lets just say, Tiff was like a sister to me, her mum mine and her home...more mine than hers (lol kiddinggg) her dog too.

ANYWAY, Tiff Weeks were spent....all with Tiff. 

I began college on the .... 6th. It began with orientation. It was ... pretty cool! I was so hesitant at first, I thought I wouldn't make friends and that I'd be alone forever, (ask my friends, they got sick of my whining.) BUT THEN... I was put into the awesomest group ever. 

Embarrasing moment : I spent two weeks in the wrong Chemistry class (PAISEHHHH)

The times I spent in college so far have been pretty cool. I'm still rather fresh to the environment, and getting to know more of my classmates. They're all pretty rad and funky, and its nice to have a change of environment ( I mean the air cond.)

On the 18th, I celebrated an advanced 18th birthday with the glam fam who surprised me x.x Synn Yi told me we were having lunch with her mum, and like I totally wasn't expecting it (Shut up Arriz). I mean, they were all sitting there at Delicious with the TTC gang and Akmal who disappeared after saying hi but hey the thought counts <3 I love my buddies to death, and I swear I would have cried if I hadn't been holding back tears all week.

(I was afraid to make a scene.)

Next day was... Tiff's leaving day. :( I swear I never cried so much. My soulmate left. But I'm glad she did...opportunities to do this are zero to none, and I'm glad she managed to. I'm proud of my diva :3 Hehehehe, go have sex with a million hot guys!!

Another picture because.....

^ Immature. AND If I continue this emotional thing, I might drag on and start whining.

Well, I also started working at this place called Cuffz in Bangsar Village. Its awesome, and I loved it! But too far from home :( I met these amazing colleagues, Christine (Cece) and Bee. I tell you, one's crazy, the other is flipping adorable. I love them both even though I knew them for...four days? 

THEN I quit because mum wanted me near home, so I went to 1 Utama and now I'm working at Miss Selfridge! Today was my first day! :3 I love that we have themed outfit days and such, and its just so fun to dress up!! I was too casual for DRESS AND ACCESSORIES (I wore a skater skirt and tee,....and sneakers -.-" Way to go Nick. ahahahah) 

OH AND I got my L licence..

I should start doing weekly, when I combine it into a month..its crazy and all over the place xD AHAHA Woops. 

WELL, I'll start my outfit diary weekly once I have a new phone *crosses fingers*

HAVE A NICE FEBRUARY!!! 

Me.

Mother, I will never be who you want me to be. I will never be the girl that fits the mould of your description. I shall never follow the predisposed plan, of growing up into a daughter who shares her every emotion with you, who shares a connection with you, and keeps you entertained. I will never be the girl that makes you smile, by my emotional words and condolences, but I will make you smile, by my successes.

I am not an open book.

I am a prison cell. I lock my feelings away in the dark crevices of my mind, my emotions guarded, my expressions limited. I hide my sadness away from you, my happiness too, I am hiding in my shelter, while your explosion of emotions show me at a young age, how important it is to be strong. I am strong, I do not show much emotion. I do not tell you I love you, I show it.

I sacrifice, I remain silent.

I keep to myself. Because a time always comes, every day, every month, every year, when those emotions do overflow. Pouring through the bars of my prison cell, threatening to break that lock and everything that keeps it in. That time, it cracks. I keep to myself. I remain silent through the day and its compensated through my cracking in my room. Yes, I do it. I do it to remain strong, which is something you never learned, and I constantly feel the need to be on guard.

I learnt from you, that if I let people see how I feel, I'll be weak, like you. I don't want to be like you, I want to learn from you. I don't want to be emotionally affected by everything like you do. I'm a stone cold, heartless bitch.


I am. Who I am.

I will never fit your mould. Force me in with those hands of yours and the metal will cut into your skin, hurting you, breaking me. I will never bend and contort to your image of "My daughter". I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm not who you want me to be.

But nothing will change and deter the fact that I love you, and I will show you. Through my success. Through my sacrificing my true dream, for a career which will inevitably please you.

So in a way, I do try to fit in, just not the way you want me to. In the end, you'll see. I hope you will.